Such A Person

Have you ever met such a person?  A person whom at first glance appears healthy normal and cool, but on closer inspection acts more like a parasite than anything else?  A selfish sloth, who uses their shallow wit solely to bully those around them into providing them with what they desire?  The type of person Aesop fabled as a grasshopper, mooching from the ants when winter arrived?  I know such a person, and he makes murder seem too kind.  The problem is, sometimes he is funny, sometimes he is a good friend.  Sometimes I don't think about caving in his hollow skull with a blunt object.  

For those of you put on edge by my words of ill-intent, rest assured, I learned my lesson the first time, and the authorities will never find the body should I need to "make the world a better place" again.  The problem with "grasshopper" is that he knows I am an ant.  He knows I work hard and prepare for the worst.  He knows that I am diligent, honest, and helpful.  He does NOT know that my problem solving thought processes have been developing several possible ways of making him disappear, should he choose to take advantage of my good nature any more.  Again, though, I go too far.  The truth is that I don't mind helping him.  All I want is respect for the aid I provide, credit where credit is due.  I do not ask that he tells everyone what a great help I was, only that he thinks before choosing to make a wisecrack at my expense.  

My response to any such wisecrack could be, and should be, to just not help him anymore, but I cannot stand to watch people suffer like that.  So it seems quite logical to put him out of my suffering.  

To go upstairs, retrieve the staple-hammer, from my toolbox, return to where he sits not doing his homework, and beat him until he exsanguinates from a thousand little staple wounds.

To light the grill on the back deck, let it get nice and hot, then ask him to check on the dinner I am cooking for us.  When he opens the grill, I could easily kick his feet out and press his face against it, simultaneously smashing his head with the lid.

Have you ever met such a person who inspires such rage that you daydream of doing evil things that you know you will never do?  Yet, those fantasies make you smile and chuckle in the most wicked of ways.  Do sane people dream of murder and mayhem? 

On The Flip-Side

Have you ever met such a person?  Such a person who forces you to smile?  Who leaves social convention and preconceptions of cool behind, and ignores all else in the quest for actually connecting with others?  Such a person, who at first glance seems quirky, silly, and maybe even crazy?  Upon further inspection though, you discover that they ARE quirky, but actually quite serious, and should certainly never be written off as crazy because they just might actually "get it".  Heaven is a place filled with such people.  People with open eyes and open hearts.  People who give rather than take.  Praise rather than judge.  

I know such a person.  Truth be told, I know a few.  Beauty comes naturally to them, though it takes an open eye to see it.  In my experience they don't constrain themselves to modern convention, caking on makeup, wearing the latest skimpy fashions, or dying their hair to match the faceless masses.  Beauty comes naturally to them.  After you see their nature, their beauty becomes impossible to ignore, and is in fact one of the few sweetly welcomed distractions from the hustle and bustle of life and the daydreams of rage.  

Have you ever met such a person who, while not perfect, is kind enough, happy enough, smart enough, and funny enough to make everything seem new and good?

The Truth

While I do fantasize about culling the overwhelming population of lazy and stupid and lazy stupid people, I could never start down that path.  First of all, there are WAY too many of them.  Secondly, we appreciate the sunshine much more after it rains.  The dullness of their characters adds by contrast to the luster of the bright.  In fact my greatest lamentation about the person I dream of bludgeoning stems from the fact that I see so much more potential in him.  Whether I am right or wrong, I want to believe that he could, one day, with lots of practice, be one of those who brings light to the lives of others.  Either way, he is my friend, for now, which is why I vent here (where very few read) rather than taking a more physical approach.  

The truth is also that I do not know if I fit into either of these categories.  I, of course, hope I am one of the latter, but I know I have selfish tendencies at times.  Honestly I don't think I want to know.  Knowing that I am a good person would make me cocky and give me a sense of entitlement, which would basically put me in the selfish category.  If I never know where I stand, but always think that there is hope I might be a good person, I will continue to strive toward that ever distant finish line.

Are you such a person?